Smellies on The Bus

Whenever you get a large group of people together, there are going to be smells....scents, odors, good, bad and just plain ugly.

Guess what people! You have control over some of this. Water and soap will take care of a majority of the problems. Moms....bathe your kids! Wives....good lord, how can you live with that smelly man?! Tell him. For the love of Pete (or for Pete's sake.). Geeze, forget Pete.....do it for ME!

When you see a homeless person, you just automatically breathe a little shallower until you're out of their odorous range. When you see a laborer at the end of the day....you can bet that smell is body odor, not onions. (But go ahead, keep fooling yourself. I know...it's always easier to think that you're smelling onions).

It's those in betweens that get you. The old man with a nicely pressed shirt, who apparently doesn't believe in deodorant. Look mister, you're no longer living in a 3rd world country. Deodorant is sold on every corner. Shit, you can even buy it from your local liquor store or 7-Eleven. You're in America and as a general rule here, we shower more than once a week! You just might even be one of those people who should shower more than once a DAY!! (imagine that! Showering on a daily basis). Yup....turn that knob and water comes out 24 / 7 (provided you've paid your water bill of course).

It's the little boy and little girl who seem to be wearing clean clothes but as they sit next to me, it becomes obvious that bathing has been absent in their bedtime routine. A second look at mom tells me she's a little off. One of those older moms that kinda remind you of a different era....60's perhaps? Prim and proper and a little to attached to polyester. And why is this little boy, who appears to be pushing 3 years old, still drinking for a bottle? I'm thinking a little therapy might be in his future.

But not all odors are created equal. The minute I stepped on the bus, my senses were bombarded with a familiar scent.....Amber Romance by Victoria's Secret. Which use to be one of my favorites. Until I discovered that the girl, seated 10 rows behind me....ya, the one with the wet hair, has bathed in the stuff. My suspicions were confirmed when the air was clear the moment she got off the bus. Hasn't anyone ever told her that too much of a good thing is bad? I wonder what scent she was trying to cover up? Not that I ever really want to know for sure.

Then there's the inevitable. That distinct, disgusting, unmistakable little thing they call flatulence. The (sometimes) silent gagger (although when you're on a bus the noise will always drown out the sound)....and you have NO idea where it came from....who did it? You can't even be sure who to frown at or get away from. And all the while, you're just praying to God that the people around you don't think it was from YOU!