Friday, June 26, 2009

My First Experience (the first time is never as good as they say)

I live in the glorious San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles County, California. Under circumstances that were not foreseen, I have been....pushed or forced into relying on the good ole public transit form of commuting to work. I'm in my 40's and I think I've ridden the public bus once in my life, back when I was 17.

Which no longer counts. first day on the Orange Line Bus, going to work, I had NO idea what the hell I was doing. I knew where I had to go, but I had no idea how to go about getting there.

So I got on. Looked around and realized there were no available seats.


I stood, holding onto a pole and tried not to fall on my ass each time the bus accelerated. It was probably the worst "pole dance" ever performed, or witnessed in case anyone noticed.

I was in the back of the really long bus that reminds me of a caterpillar and I couldn't hear the conductor or recorded stop announcements. Very stressful as I stood there in my boots and slacks with my purse and backpack (with lunch, coffee and water inside) trying not to land on my ass or in someone else's lap....I'm positive thats not considered a lap dance although the quality would equal my preceding pole dance.

Oh...and there's this cord thing that you're suppose to pull when your stop is next, so the driver knows to stop. Hmm...they don't automatically stop at every stop? ooook.....guess I'll have to learn the route.


And start learning how to pull a cord. That I can't reach from my pole (new found bff)

After much anxiety and a very stressful 30 minutes, I got off the bus at the correct stop and found my way to work. A minor mile stone.

But the real fun didn't begin until my ride home.

The final destination going home, is a crappy city called North Hollywood. The city has tried to make it more "trendy" and less scary by calling parts of it NoHo. WTF? Its a disgusting, dirty, run down, ignored part of Los Angeles County and the ONLY thing it has in common with Hollywood is that its NORTH of there. Thats it. The End.

Its a slum. They have shootings there at night.

So....coming home, I have to take the bus to the "NoHo" district and have my husband pick me up and take me home. Home Sweet Home. I hate that the beautiful city I live in brushes shoulders with North Hollywood.

Anyways....on that memorable first ride home, as the bus was pulling into the layover station in the "lets put icing on shit and call it cake" area that we fondly call NoHo....what do I see but a 1/2 dozen cop cars and just as many if not more, cops standing on the platform waiting for us.

US! The bus. The people ON the bus. I glanced around and wondered....Holy CRAP!! Are the cops here to bust a bunch of gang members? How do I get out of here before this shit comes down??!!!

I rose as everyone else on the bus rose. Only I noticed I was the only one in a near panic! Was everyone else just so use to this? Did this kind of thing happen all the time? Doesn't anyone care that a shootout could happen at any moment? We're on a bus full of GANG MEMBERS people!! Helloooooooo!!!!

As I got off the bus I expected the cops to grab all those gang-member-looking-hoodlums I thought I notice in the back of the bus. But cop was coming towards me! Saying something TO ME!! What? I'm not a trouble maker! Don't you see those tattoo wearing, greased hair, bandana headed, scary looking guys? You're going after the wrong person!!!!


You want to see my bus pass?!

OOoooooh.'s right here.

Thank you for not giving me a $200 fine.

Bummer for that guy over there by the cop car. And why is he in handcuffs? It's only for a bus pass for God's sake. Isn't it? We'll give him the benefit of the doubt and just say that he has never paid his $1.25 bus fair for the past year and has more than a dozen violations.

Ya, that sounds much better.

Cuz you can't assume that every scuzzy guy with a tattoo, greasy hair and bandana is a gang member. Unless you're on T.V. of course.


  1. You are hilarious! I know exactly what you mean about hanging on the pole. Try the NYC Transit System. Try being on a bus with pan handlers and homeless people and trying not to fall into their laps! I'm so glad i drive to work.

  2. OMG LOL!!

    When I first moved to CA, I lived in Oceanside and worked in Car Country Carlsbad. I also had no car and had to ride the bus.

    But my bus ride was much more pleasant than yours!! On the way home I got to watch the surfers try to change out of their wetsuits, while trying to stay covered with a towel. I saw quite a few hot nekked surfers on my way home!!!

  3. Michele - LMAO!!! Noooo....I dont think I want to end up in the lap of a homeless person!!

    Spryte - I think I need to change buses!! I'd rather see some nekked surfers any day!!! LMAO!!!

  4. You are so funny--it's like I'm on that bus with you! Thank god, you don't have smell-o-vision!